The Victor or Victim Syndrome In Life And Learning

October 30th, 2009 by Jason Kendall Leave a reply »

We all know people who appear to breeze through life, happily moving from one triumph to the next. On the other hand, we know others who never quite make it, and always have an answer why life has dealt them a hard blow. Society is made up of victors and victims, and the difference can very often be boiled down to one key factor – attitude.

When moving in a new career direction, it’s essential to learn the habits of the victor to achieve a successful outcome. The victims attempt actions in a timid manner, hoping for good things, but never really believing they’re worthy of great things. Victors commit mentally to a successful outcome, and back their actions with emotion.

Take a couple of tennis players about to play a championship game. One says “It’s my last chance – I’ll give it my best efforts,” but the other one says “Winning is my destiny – it’s everything to me.” No prizes for guessing who’ll win the championship. They might both put in the same amount of time, but the victor spends more of it on his mental training to win.

The victim is defined by the word BED – one who stays in bed and gives up. The victor is defined by the word OAR – a figure paddling towards success. BED = Blame, Excuses and Denial. OAR = Ownership, Accountability and Responsibility.

The victor takes responsibility for his or her tasks, and doesn’t hope for someone else to lead the way. He’s accountable for his actions, so takes them seriously, and sees things through by tackling problems not creating them. He doesn’t take excuses from himself and is responsible for the outcome of his actions.

The victim can always come up with a reason for not achieving, and it’s rarely to do with himself. Everything is always somebody else’s fault – he doesn’t feel in control so puts the blame at someone else’s door. He gives excuses for his lack of performance, and doesn’t realise the only person he’s convincing is himself. After repeating this pattern of blame and excuses for a while, the victim is in denial, absolutely convinced that there’s nothing he can do about this situation.

Students approaching a life-changing training program need to give themselves a mental work-out, to stack the odds in their favour. Anyone who’s a fully paid up member of the victim society will have to address their issues before they start, to truly embrace the potential in front of them.

The two sets of attitudes are both just habits. With constant repetition over time, habits can be changed. Listen to the little voice in your head – if it’s obviously a victim, then consciously stop it and verbalise why you can achieve. Nobody else is any better than you are – some have just conquered their demons and emerged victorious.

“There is no such thing as a hero, only those who rise to the occasion”. Those were the words of Winston Churchill, and they’re just as valid today. We need to have the attitude of a winner in order to become a winner, both in learning and in life.

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